Saturday, February 28, 2015

And a year later.....

It's been A WHOLE YEAR since I posted anything!  How can that be?  My life is crammed full of stuff, never ending....

So looking through my texts and pictures, here was some of the amusing in my life in the last year 2014:


JANUARY

During the Snowmageddon:  Just got the automated message of no garbage pickup until next week. Don't they know we have 4 people trapped at home doing nothing but producing garbage!?!? Nooooooooooo



FEBRUARY

My kids have lived in the South too long - charades clue was "fake hair" and the kids yelled "Weave!"

My sweet daughter Jade Wagner just survived her first border patrol "la migra" search while driving in New Mexico. Apparently she doesn't appreciate my advise to tell them "Yo soy Americana" if they ask. Sheesh! We got papers!



MARCH

I told the cat to quit touching me with her paws..... ‪#‎likeachild‬ ‪#‎bully‬ ‪#‎wontstop‬




APRIL

Wedding prep:  So this happened yesterday - Me: I got ushers. Annie: you got Usher? For the music? Me: I got usherssss for the doors



AUGUST

Seen at the fair - news flash!  Mr. Clean has a husband.  I should have guessed his persuasion with the earring and house cleaning....

Also noticed at the fair - a valid question..... How many innocent goldfish must die at the hands of vicious fair-going children?  The murder and violence must end.....

Nothing tips like a cow

Me:  Do you think it's bad I didn't stand for the National Anthem cause I was in the bathroom taking a dump?  I covered my heart....
Cindy: The heart is the main thing :)
(Cindy is really my secret support group to make me believe I am normal....)
Grant:  Did you sing along? OH! Say can you see.....
(and that's how I know he's my son)

Another fair observation:  When you have a Monsters, Inc. backpack and Hello Kitty socks, you are definitely too young to have a newborn baby.  Just sayin" 


SEPTEMBER

I went to the doctor and have acute bronchitis and exhaustion and can't go to work until Friday but I literally slept all day.  I told my sister I was like the movie stars getting diagnosed with exhaustion, but she said that was a euphemism for drug use, so I guess I'm just an overworked self-employed girl.
 
My own personal meme:
What people think goes on at the fair at night:

What really goes on at the fair at night (actual photo I took):


How I know that my daughter isn't doing drugs:


 



OCTOBER


I went to Sams Club by the big chicken yesterday and I was following this tall white guy in to the entrance. Guess I was following too close cause he does the sly sideways who is following me looksie.  I said "I know you feel like you're being followed, and you are!  But we're both going to the same place!"  And he laughs and says "hey, a white dude in the sketch part of town can't be too careful!"  CAUSE THATS OUR REALITY NOW


Apparently the bugs are so big in Louisiana that they are tagging them like birds to follow their migration!


And then this happened....



NOVEMBER

Got a new watch on my cruise but forgot to set it forward from Texas time to Georgia time, but today is fall back so #WINNING


Me:  I'm trying to convince Lauralee to make a "I hate people" cross stitch as an enrichment activity.  It may work - she wants to decoupage a "people I want to punch in the face" journal
Annie:  Fun!  We cal also add "the offended jar" and "the people I offended jar".  Mike and I already get to add $2 for this weekend."


Delilah (5): can I have a drink?
Me: Sure! How about some milk?
Delilah: OK! (Sips) is this cow milk?
 Me: yeassssss (thinking what a weird thing for a 5 year old to ask)
 Delilah: (sips) I'm allergic to cows milk.
Me: awesome (snatching it away) here - have a Pibb. ‪#‎parentingfail‬ ‪#‎nolittlekidsleft‬ this is your child Carla Medina Hills


How I know my daughter is choosing good choices in college, when she quizzed me down about what Plan B was after a Bio class:


How I'm not sure she isn't starving:



and this....






Why I can't leave my house without my phone in my hand, even though my family make fun of me for always having my phone:




Feeling sick with a cold or something so thought I would use doTERRA oils to help me. Know what it did? Made me my cats' personal catnip. Yes I've become my cats girlfriend against my will. Sooo disturbing...



DECEMBER

Jade said she wanted to be a better cook, now that she is a college student out living in the dorms on her own.  I told her to just start experimenting and she would get better.  Yesterday she sent me this:  " I've been randomly putting brown sugar on things and I haven't been disappointed."
I was like "I meant with HERBS"..... parenting FAIL

Started off my morning by stepping in cat barf in my bare feet....ugghhhh



Hayley texted me that the truck wouldn't start.  She later texted back:  No problem with the truck.  It doesn't drive in neutral.....


Me:  Know what's awkward?  Buying lingerie for your future daughter-in-law.  "Hey, here's a little something you can sleep with my son in....later"
Melanie:  it's even worse when she opens it and someone says "What's the point?  It won't stay on for long!"


Cindy:  Are you enjoying your birthday?
Me:  Yes, Longhorn for lunch, and Movie Tavern for dinner.  And a box of Sees.  And I heard that I might even get lucky!
Cindy:  Lucky....Like the lottery?  I don't understand. :)


Christmas joke
.


2 comments:

  1. oh my heck - I'm sitting here all by myself laughing out loud!

    ReplyDelete